Missing people who are no longer in our lives is a natural thing. It can be a process to move on from something that broke apart a relationship – platonic or otherwise. While many will scold you for missing someone like that, I won’t. Because the fact is: missing people is good, important, it’s human, and it’s a step in the process of moving on.
The key is not letting missing people control your life. You can miss someone, but at some point, yes, you do have to move on. But don’t rush yourself and don’t let anyone else rush you, either. Remember: it’s perfectly natural; you’re morning the loss of a relationship that was at one time a part of your life, the loss of a person who was at one point important to you.
I wish it were easy. I wish I could create a mathematic formula for how long it’ll take to get over someone, perhaps based on the length of time they were in your life, and taking into account other factors such as emotional ties and how close you were. But the truth is, there’s no way to measure it, and there can be no standard “you should be over that person in “x” amount of time.”
Allow yourself to miss them. Allow yourself to reflect back on the memories, both good and bad. Allow yourself to smile when looking at old photographs, when listening to THAT song. If you didn’t miss them, not one bit – well, you’d probably either be heartless or lying. Miss them. Trust me, it’s okay.
But don’t get swept up in the memories. Remember what broke things apart, too. Allow yourself to be sad, to be angry, to be hurt by the way things turned out. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions; it’s normal. Maybe you’ll feel lonely; that’s okay. You will be okay.
Don’t let missing someone push you back to them. If it’s meant to be, it’ll find its way eventually – but not now, when you’re vulnerable and clearly still hurting. Allow yourself to heal, and then if things come back together, consider it. In the same vein, don’t let missing someone push you to someone else. Again, I’ll remind you: you will be okay. And someday, you won’t miss that person as much. Maybe ten years from now, you’ll be reminded of them again and a wave of missing them will rush over you again. That’s okay.
After all, we’re only human, and all we can do is try our best.
Giving yourself the proper time to grieve is important. After all, the loss of a relationship – platonic or romantic – is a difficult thing to bear, and you need to allow yourself to deal with it, not just sweep it under the table.
So don’t beat yourself up if you’re missing someone who doesn’t deserve to be missed. Before you know it, you’ll be over them.