Two Months.

It’s been two months since my father passed away. The grief is still so fresh, in many ways, and stale in others. I keep finding new ways to miss him, new moments that come up in my day-to-day life that I wish I could share with him.

My father’s death pushed me to quickly consider things like the afterlife. It’s one thing to think about heaven in general; to think about what happens after someone dies. It’s another to lose a loved one suddenly, feel left behind, and wonder where they are now, where their spirit is. There have been moments where I say to myself “I wish Dad could see this.”

In my head, I know, or maybe hope, that he is seeing all of this. That he’s somewhere he isn’t feeling any more pain, that the hacking cough he had for years due to smoking is gone, that the aches in his varicose veins don’t trouble him anymore; that he’s watching us, and will see us as we grow over the years. That he’ll be proud of us, just as he was when he was still physically with us.

Continue reading “Two Months.”

Anxiety… and All Its Little Shards

I don’t know that I’ve ever written much about my anxiety on here, but I think now is the time to start. Honestly, living with anxiety is not easy. Sometimes it can manifest itself in ways that make it nearly impossible to get out of bed in the morning or to finish a simple task.

Other times, like some of the things I wanted to write about today, it manifests itself in small ways that are *just* enough to inconvenience you or make your day more complicated. Sometimes you don’t even realize how ridiculous these things can be, and sometimes you do, but you have to do them anyways. Because if you don’t, who knows what could happen?

Continue reading “Anxiety… and All Its Little Shards”

On…. Trying Something New

Alright, here’s the question of the day: When was the last time you tried something new?

Seriously. Think about it, and give yourself an answer. Maybe you’re one of those happy-go-lucky people who has no problem trying new things and is even excited at the prospect. Or maybe you’re one of those people who’s stuck in his/her ways and prefers to stick to what you know. Either way, the choice is yours – but why not try something new every once in a while?

Let’s take me, for instance. I’m not huge at trying new foods. My thought is: I’m not going to pay $15+ for an entree at a restaurant if there’s a chance I might absolutely hate it. The time for trying new things at a restaurant is when you have the chance to sneak a little off a friends’ plate.

On trying new experiences – and new things in general – I really am trying to open my mind and go for it! Sure, things could not end great, but at the same time, who knows what could happen? Trying something new could be the best thing you do for yourself today, this week, this month. So do it!

I tried something new this past weekend in going to my first live racing event out at the Holland Speedway in Holland, NY. I’ve never really watched any sort of racing on television so this really truly was my first experience in that world. I didn’t know if I was going to enjoy myself, or think it was a total bore — but I tried it anyways!

In the end, I thought it was pretty interesting. Even if it’s not my cup of tea (I may need to check it out a bit more to really get a feel for it and decide on my thoughts), I’m glad I went. And who knows? Maybe I’ll go more next summer (the local racing season is pretty much over now) and maybe I’ll really start to enjoy it more and more.

As moms always say — You’ll never know until you  try.