The Game of Life

“The world is not black and white; in its entirety and even in the most specific aspects, the world around us is one giant gray area. There is always movement, both forward and backward. Structures are built and then torn down – both physical buildings and in other ways, like the hierarchy of positions in a corporation or the building blocks that compose a friendship. Life is not black and white. The things you lose may come back to you someday, or they may not. They may never return, lost for eternity in the space that surrounds us. Or they may return, in the same way as before or in another way. You will change, you will grow, and sometimes, you will revert back to who you were before. It is all a grey area.”

The above paragraph is something I’ve had sitting in my drafts since early September of this year. For months, I left it there and intended to write more, to either expand on those thoughts or try to continue them in some way, but (clearly) I have been unable to do so. Alas, here it is, nearly the end of December. Much has changed in these few months, but I’m going to try to expand on my thoughts now, all these days later.

I think it’s important to realize this, the world is one big gray area. Nothing is certain. Everything can be destroyed; the wonderful flowering moments, but also the terrible ones. Good things can fall down, but bad things can be destroyed as well. The fact that nothing is certain can be exciting or scary; thrilling or terrifying; or maybe a little bit of both.

The point is this. Life is not black and white. Life is not certain. Things can come back full-circle or not at all. Some things will stay, other things will leave you, but it’s the impression those things leave that truly counts.

We are all moving pieces in the game of life. Sometimes we jump three spaces forward, other times we sink back a few slots. Some days we may sit exactly where we are, sometimes for weeks, months, years on end. But nothing is certain, everything is gray, and life keeps going.



Going Back, While Going Forward

IMG_8643Last weekend, I (briefly) visited Conesus Lake, one of the smaller Finger Lakes. We visited the lake at the very top of it, at a place called Vitale Park.

This was my first time there since 2008 when I first visited Conesus Lake – and that very same park – with my aunt, and it really just hit me how we can return to places and have such different experiences years later, and reflect on how much has changed in that span of time.

For instance, my visit in 2008 was with my aunt, whom I love dearly and only get to see a couple of times a year. It was my first-ever Finger Lakes trip, but I still remember it pretty well. We stayed in the area with one of her friends and their family for a weekend, and the park was our last stop before heading back to Buffalo. It was sometime in the summer – August, I believe. I was 17, newly graduated from high school and heading to college.

This visit, it’s 2014, mid-December, with my boyfriend – his first-ever Finger Lakes trip.

We only briefly visited the lake, as we had spent some time in Rochester, about 30 minutes north. But I suggested the visit because of its proximity, and I thought it would be a nice little excursion before returning to reality. The lake was mostly not frozen and it was just as beautiful as it was back in 2008. I’m 24 now, and so much in my life has changed since that first trip.

Obviously that’s to be expected – it’s six years later, after all, so of course things aren’t the same!

I’ve certainly grown in many ways, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. But my life has also grown, and it is becoming exactly what I want it to be. I’m shaping my life and I will continue to do this as the years pass.

I suppose it’s just a nice feeling to have all of these things changed in my life and yet be able to return to a place I visited years ago and have another wonderful experience there. It’s like I’m constantly going forward and have made so many steps in those years, but I was still able to go back, and on even better terms.