How Much Interest is Enough?

I haven’t been feeling particularly inspired to write lately, but I’m really going to try and be better about keeping up this blog. I just started a new job – my first full-time endeavor – so obviously that’s a bit of an adjustment along with all of the other aspects of my life. But: no excuses, let’s move forward.

One thing that’s been on my mind has been thinking about the level of interest we show in others. How much is too much, too quickly? How much is not enough? For future reference: I’m talking about when you first meet someone, romantic or friendly.

On a personal level, it’s definitely one big gray area for me and really depends on the individual situation. If I meet someone and then all of a sudden they’re texting me nonstop and constantly want to spend time together, that might be overbearing and downright annoying. That’s just too much interest, too fast, for my comfort level.

But at the same time, if I feel as though someone is TOO lax about talking to me, I’ll give up on them. Because if you’re not showing an interest in me, why would I waste my time trying to form something with you? If you always take forever to respond to messages and constantly make excuses to get out of spending time with me – why on earth would I bother?

In the end, it’s a rhetorical question. How much interest is enough, and how do you know when you’re not showing enough (or when you’re showing too much) interest in someone? I suppose in the end, it depends on the individual involved and it’s a fine line to cross….. one giant grey area between “never shows any interest, seems not to care at all” and “shows the “right” amount of interest and is someone I’m interested in building a friendship or relationship with” and “holy wow, you’re overbearing and you need to take a step back, I barely know you and this isn’t making me want to get to know you.”

I know I can say personally I’ve had experiences with people falling in all three of those areas. I think the important thing here is to be able to recognize where YOUR limits are; to be able to walk away when you feel someone isn’t giving you the interest you deserve; to recognize when someone is being overbearing and not be afraid to shut them down and turn them away and tell them to stop; and to realize when something’s reached a good, comfortable level for you. It’s also something to be mindful of in your relationships with others – appreciate that everyone’s levels may be different, and know when to pick things up a little or when to stop and back off.

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