Author: melissaburgess

33. Buffalonian. Loves hockey, writing, traveling & more.
Posted in A Better You, Food, Health & Fitness

Sharing My Story

Posted on by melissaburgess

With the new year beginning just a few days ago, I’m trying to keep up with reading Demi Lovato’s book, “Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year.” It’s only a few days in, but I’m going to try. Today’s page related to reaching out to others, to help others, as Demi did in publicly discussing her struggles with issues such as self-harm, in the hope that by discussing these struggles, others who are dealing with them may be more likely to seek help or be willing to talk about their own issues. It is in this vein of thought that I decided today to sit down and write about my own experience with mental health, depression, stress, social anxiety and other issues, in the hope that maybe even just one person will read my story and be a little less afraid to seek the help they may need. I know that other people have it worse than I do; I know I have a lot to be thankful for, and my struggles have definitely taught me a lot. I never struggled with self-harm, but depression was something that plagued me for a long time. But depression doesn’t mean you always have a dark cloud over your head; sometimes it gets a little lighter and you think things are going better, until they aren’t anymore – at least, that’s what it was for me.

Whether we like to admit it or not, there is a stigma associated with mental illness. And quite frankly, having a mental illness can be embarrassing. It’s embarrassing to be unable to complete a seemingly simple task and to have to tell someone “I’m sorry, my mind was in a very bad place today and I just couldn’t handle it without breaking down.” It’s embarrassing to leave a job because of your mental or emotional state, perhaps unrelated to the job completely. So we come up with excuses, other things to tell people, lies to cover our issues and ways to get around the things that we may be struggling with. There’s also the issues that these words are thrown around so carelessly nowadays; people have one bad day and immediately say things like “Ugh, I’m depressed.” But depression is a serious issue, recurring over time and it’s not something to be taken lightly.

But none of this helps; it doesn’t address the issues, it doesn’t bring them out into the open and it further envelopes things in this stigma where many people associate mental illness with being weak, sickly, childish, etc. or allowing people to think of mental illness as something that can just be swept under the rug to be dealt with when it’s convenient. Mental illness is never convenient, but it’s something we as individuals, as communities, as a society, must deal with. Now.

This is my story, and I hope you’ll join me along the way. Though my struggles are not over – and perhaps depression and anxiety are things that I may deal with in some way every day for the rest of my life – I feel more positive, more able to cope and ready to share my story in the hope that it may help even one person somewhere in the world.

Continue reading “Sharing My Story” →

Posted in Miscellaneous

Reflecting Back On 2013

Posted on by melissaburgess

One thing I’d like to look back on as we approach the end of 2013 is all of the new things that I did throughout the course of the year. It should always be our goal to grow as a person, as an individual; to gain new experiences, try new things, meet new people, visit new places, etc.

It’s been my goal to do at least one new thing each month, and this is something I hope to continue in the year of 2014. Go somewhere new, try a new experience or just in some way – big or small – do something that I have never done before in my life.

Under the cut, in case anyone’s interested, is my list for 2013. (Of course, there’s still 14 days left in the year, so this list might expand!)

Continue reading “Reflecting Back On 2013” →

Posted in A Better You, Uncategorized

Facing Your Worst Enemy

Posted on by melissaburgess

Before you go ahead and click into the cut of this blog post, I want you to do a (very brief) exercise. Take a minute or two to think about the following questions, and try to come up with one – or maybe more – people who you think would answer the question regarding your life.

1) Is there someone in your life who is holding you back from recognizing your dreams and full potential?

2) Is there someone who belittles you, puts you down, and discourages you from doing things due to the potential for failure?

3) Is there someone who makes you question your abilities, even when things are going seemingly well? For instance – let’s say you just started a new job, one you are definitely qualified for but that may be very different from a previous position. Is there someone who tells you “I don’t know if you can handle that?”

Have you figured it out yet?

Continue reading “Facing Your Worst Enemy” →

Posted in A Better You

How Much Interest is Enough?

Posted on by melissaburgess

I haven’t been feeling particularly inspired to write lately, but I’m really going to try and be better about keeping up this blog. I just started a new job – my first full-time endeavor – so obviously that’s a bit of an adjustment along with all of the other aspects of my life. But: no excuses, let’s move forward.

One thing that’s been on my mind has been thinking about the level of interest we show in others. How much is too much, too quickly? How much is not enough? For future reference: I’m talking about when you first meet someone, romantic or friendly.

On a personal level, it’s definitely one big gray area for me and really depends on the individual situation. If I meet someone and then all of a sudden they’re texting me nonstop and constantly want to spend time together, that might be overbearing and downright annoying. That’s just too much interest, too fast, for my comfort level.

But at the same time, if I feel as though someone is TOO lax about talking to me, I’ll give up on them. Because if you’re not showing an interest in me, why would I waste my time trying to form something with you? If you always take forever to respond to messages and constantly make excuses to get out of spending time with me – why on earth would I bother?

In the end, it’s a rhetorical question. How much interest is enough, and how do you know when you’re not showing enough (or when you’re showing too much) interest in someone? I suppose in the end, it depends on the individual involved and it’s a fine line to cross….. one giant grey area between “never shows any interest, seems not to care at all” and “shows the “right” amount of interest and is someone I’m interested in building a friendship or relationship with” and “holy wow, you’re overbearing and you need to take a step back, I barely know you and this isn’t making me want to get to know you.”

I know I can say personally I’ve had experiences with people falling in all three of those areas. I think the important thing here is to be able to recognize where YOUR limits are; to be able to walk away when you feel someone isn’t giving you the interest you deserve; to recognize when someone is being overbearing and not be afraid to shut them down and turn them away and tell them to stop; and to realize when something’s reached a good, comfortable level for you. It’s also something to be mindful of in your relationships with others – appreciate that everyone’s levels may be different, and know when to pick things up a little or when to stop and back off.

Posted in A Better You

“Why” vs. “Why Not”

Posted on by melissaburgess

All too often, it’s very easy for us to make excuses; to find reasons – no matter how small they may be – for us to get out of doing something. Whether it’s the age-old classic “I can’t” or the all-too-familiar “I just don’t have time,” or something perhaps a little more creative, we as human beings tend to be filled with doubt, and ask “Why should I do this?” I, however, would like to challenge you. Instead of asking why you should do something, start asking why not? Start asking yourself why SHOULDN’T you do something, and figure out what is holding you back from doing things. Then take steps to eliminate that way of thinking so you can expand your world and start doing new and exciting things.

Here’s a few examples where this new way of thinking might come in handy.

Situation #1: Meeting New People

Whether it’s messaging someone on Twitter or complimenting someone in public, it’s easy to be filled with doubt when it comes to approaching new people. “Why should I talk to them? What if they think I’m strange, or are rude to me, etc.” Instead of thinking like that, try this: Why shouldn’t you talk to them? You’re a good person, you’re friendly and fun and you have an energy unlike anyone else. What’s stopping you from talking to them? And what’s the worst that can happen – they tune you out or react in a rude manner toward you; so what if they do? You’ve lost nothing if the encounter goes sour, but if it goes well, you might just gain a new friend!

Situation #2: Trying A New Restaurant/Band/Event

“Well, I like this restaurant so much, why would I try a new one?” I’m certainly guilty of this way of thinking. Why stray from what you already know and are familiar with, your safety net? Why NOT? So you go to a different restaurant one week for dinner rather than going to your typical venue. You might find that you actually love it. Maybe you’ll discover a new dish, or a new friend – but you’ll never know unless you try it.

Situation #3: Fulfilling A Dream

Whether your dream is a trip to somewhere new or doing an activity you’d never normally dream of – why not go for it? Sure, it might take some planning. Maybe realistically you can’t spontaneously decide to go for it, but take the steps toward your goal.

My point is: stop doubting, stop questioning why you should do things and start thinking in the realm of “why not?” Whether it’s applying for a job (“why not me?”) or any of the aforementioned items or something completely different, just go for it. As the saying goes – if it’s important to you, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse. Stop looking for excuses and just go for it.